Amnesiac

i just realized after my 5k today how easy it was for me to forget that i got into running as part of my recovery from the mild stroke i had two years ago. when i first started running, it was easy to get up and put my runners on. nothing like a life and death situation to spur me on. but as i recovered and my old routine crept back in, the fact that i had a stroke slipped further from my mind. the excuses came up. work that needed to be done, social obligations that needed to be met, other activities that pulled me in. running took a step back. soon, i was no longer waking up at the crack of dawn to sneak in a run before the sun rose.

the inactivity took a toll on me. i was sluggish. i had no energy for anything beyond waking up and going to work. and the stress that put me on that hospital bed two years ago was suddenly upon me again. i was sad all the time. i knew something was wrong when i couldn't shake off the feeling of despair that plagued me. sounds melodramatic, i know, but for some reason, i was becoming this ugly, temperamental, sad chick who wanted nothing but to wallow in self pity and food. hence the ten pounds. in my drama, i forgot how running brought me a sense of balance i have never known before.

i know at some point i have to address these issues that bring on the blues. but while i work things out for myself, one thing is certain: i have to keep running. not just to get healthier physically, but also emotionally. i need that balance. i need that clarity that has been missing since i shoved my runners under my bed. 

hopefully, this time, i'll no longer forget the whys of my running. it's more than just getting out and working up a good sweat. it's beyond joining a fad. it's more spiritual than i would like to admit. i'm not just running to get fit, i'm running to save my sanity.

Whew

Woke up to the sun shining so i took it as a sign to haul my ass to u.p. For a quick run. I've actually been dreading this run because i know it would kill me from either exhaustion or shame. I have never been more out of shape. Aside from the ten pounds i put on the past year, i havent really been serious about my running. Sure there's the sporadic gym run every now and then, but it's shameful how from inching my way to my first 15k last year, i am now back to huffing and puffing towards the 5k mark. I am hanging my head in shame...

But as i said, the sun is out and i had my ipod with me. It feels good to be out and running, dragging my fat bum around the university oval. I've missed the familiar aches in my shins, the therapeutic numbing of my mind. It's just me and the road ahead. It couldn't have been a better time, too.

I wont be making promises this time. No time frames for the next 10k or the next race. This time i will just run, like forrest did. And there will be days when i will just walk, too. Heck there would be days when i would be stubborn enough to just stay under the covers and forget i ever took joy in running. But i am hoping against hope those days would be few and far between. I seek the clarity i get from running.

I'm almost done with my coffee here at starbucks. Had to give my legs a rest. Time to limp home and enjoy a nice long hot shower and maybe smile a little bit, thinking hey, i did it. I got off my bum and ran today. Have a blessed sunday everyone!

Sent from my Nokia phone