Amnesiac

i just realized after my 5k today how easy it was for me to forget that i got into running as part of my recovery from the mild stroke i had two years ago. when i first started running, it was easy to get up and put my runners on. nothing like a life and death situation to spur me on. but as i recovered and my old routine crept back in, the fact that i had a stroke slipped further from my mind. the excuses came up. work that needed to be done, social obligations that needed to be met, other activities that pulled me in. running took a step back. soon, i was no longer waking up at the crack of dawn to sneak in a run before the sun rose.

the inactivity took a toll on me. i was sluggish. i had no energy for anything beyond waking up and going to work. and the stress that put me on that hospital bed two years ago was suddenly upon me again. i was sad all the time. i knew something was wrong when i couldn't shake off the feeling of despair that plagued me. sounds melodramatic, i know, but for some reason, i was becoming this ugly, temperamental, sad chick who wanted nothing but to wallow in self pity and food. hence the ten pounds. in my drama, i forgot how running brought me a sense of balance i have never known before.

i know at some point i have to address these issues that bring on the blues. but while i work things out for myself, one thing is certain: i have to keep running. not just to get healthier physically, but also emotionally. i need that balance. i need that clarity that has been missing since i shoved my runners under my bed. 

hopefully, this time, i'll no longer forget the whys of my running. it's more than just getting out and working up a good sweat. it's beyond joining a fad. it's more spiritual than i would like to admit. i'm not just running to get fit, i'm running to save my sanity.